What Would John Wayne Do?

America prides itself as the land of opportunity. It boasts a culture of rugged individualism, with the emphasis on individualism. To support our American success story, we cite heroes who rose up from humble beginnings. The self-educated Abraham Lincoln born and raised in a log cabin. Barons of the Industrial Revolution such as John D. Rockefeller, Andrew Carnegie, and David Sarnoff all started with nothing and made billions. The American success story continues today with Sam Walton, Warren Buffett and Bill Gates. These icons shape our identity and set our goals.

When we graduate from school – high school or college – we’re expected to leave the nest and make our own way. We take entry-level jobs and climb the ladder of success as far is our talents can take us. When we face hurdles and setbacks, we pull ourselves up by the bootstraps. And when we finally reached the top, we are honored and praised for doing it our way, on our own. That is our American culture of individualism.

American culture is unique. Most cultures in the world can be called communal – cultures built around clans, tribes, neighborhoods, villages, and families. The focus in these communities is on the group, not the individual. We’re all aware of examples. Jews, for instance, view salvation not necessarily as an individual goal, but as a people. In communal cultures, it is just as acceptable for a teacher, a neighbor, or an aunt to discipline a child as it is for a parent. To steal a phrase – It takes a village.  Although they are different, both cultures share many of the same basic values.

I saw a billboard the other day that didn’t match my understanding of either culture. It showed a man and woman lying in bed, backs to each other, as far apart as possible with a huge gulf between them. The heading read, “Honeymoon Over?” followed by a divorce attorney’s name and telephone number.

Honeymoon over? Really? As soon as reality sets in, it’s time to quit? Since when did the rugged individualist become a quitter? When did our sons and daughters, our neighbors and friends, become so selfish?

There are all sorts of ways to crunch the numbers. Simply put, for every two couples in the United States who marry, another couple is divorcing. To be fair, people are human. We make mistakes. Things happen. I should know. I’ve been divorced twice, so call me a hypocrite. But I can still argue the greater point.

What’s truly objectionable in any culture is the cavalier attitude. That it’s acceptable to discard another human being as soon as the initial, temporary fairy tale stage of a marriage is over. That instead of cultivating a real relationship and confronting life’s challenges with your spouse, it’s better to walk away and continue the party with someone else.

That divorce attorney’s billboard is just one marker of a broken social contract. It reflects the current cultural shift in values in which the integrity of a promise has been replaced by the pursuit of temporary happiness. Another marker is the popularity of dystopian entertainment – books and movies such as The Hunger Games and Divergent trilogies that predict futures gone wrong. These types of books and movies hint at the types of dark futures that could result when we break the social contract.

Not very long ago, Christians sought guidance by asking, “What Would Jesus Do?” Maybe it’s time for billboards in America to start asking, “What Would John Wayne Do?”